... about taking risks

This is an interesting thing I learned. 

A parent wants to protect their children. It is commonly a parent's strongest instinct: to protect their children from all risks; all danger; all mistakes; all failures. 

As if. 

Certainly children should and must be protected, but they must also learn to make decisions and, yes, learn to take risks. Because they will have to make decisions and make choices in their lives. 

If a person has not had experience in thinking for themselves while growing up, they will be ill equipped for making any decisions when the big choices in life appear. 

Parents who carefully make all the choices for their kids, and "protect" them from all risks, are doing a disservice to their children. Children must learn to make decisions. Children must learn the consequences of decisions -- both success and failure. Children must learn how to cope with mistakes. 

Too often parents will protect their children from the consequences of the child's mistakes. No, I'm not talking about punishment; punishment is not particularly useful as a learning tool. It is about how to handle mistakes; you handle mistakes by:

• Owning up to it. Admit what you did.
• Find out what happened, what was the damage, if any.
• Correct what you can; replace what you can; make it up to anyone injured.
• In other words, children must learn how to take responsibility.

A simple example: Through some action, a child breaks a window. The consequences of playing baseball in the house, perhaps.

The wrong thing to happen is punishment and a call the glazier.

The right thing to happen is that the child pays for the glass and helps install the new pane. In this way the child has made up the damage and has learned a new skill. 

I remember being punished as a child, but I cannot, for the life of me, remember what I was being punished for. Not a very efficient lesson if I can't remember what I did wrong. 

But, when I broke a chair, and was involved in making it whole again, I remember it clearly; both what happened and what I did to make it good. That's a good lesson. 

If a child can learn how to cope with mistakes and failures, that child can grow up to be an outstanding adult, because such people seem to be rare. A child who learns about accepting mistakes, taking responsibility and learning from mistakes -- and making things right and moving on, will be a person who becomes able to take the reasonable risks that can make life rewarding. 

A life lived in fear, such as the fear of making a mistake, is not a life worth living.

If a child learns how to handle the consequences from mistakes, the child can become free of that fear. 

Children will take risks; children will make decisions, and children will make mistakes. It's part of growing up and learning. Parents cannot stop it. 

All a parent can, and should, do is help their child learn how to handle these things when they do happen.

... about Christmas greed

OK, this is really something that my mother did teach me, and my kids also taught me a lot. 

Whether you call it Christmas or "the Holiday Season" or anything else, it really has become the "Season of Greed". And this is really, really sad. 

We are told, by every advertisement, every store, every magazine, that this is the time when we must give lots and lots of presents. Presents that we can't afford. We go into debt, or, rather, we go further into debt at this time. We even feel forced to give gifts to people we don't like or don't know particularly well. 

It is one of my on-going jokes that there are certain things that people never want or buy for themselves, but are often given as gifts. Like "chia pets". 

 TV ads are crowded with those kinds of things, you know what they are. 

Where did this come from? No religion that I know of has, as part of their belief, the excessive giving of gifts at this time of year. 

Yes, this is a special time of year for children. For parents and grandparents, it is fun to plan and give children gifts at this time of year. 

With a few simple rules, there is nothing wrong with parents giving their children gifts. But the following rules should be followed:

1. Do not give more gifts than you can afford to give.
2. Do not give an excessive amount of gifts even if you can afford them.
3. Do not give gifts because they are advertised a lot. Give a child a gift they will enjoy and use.
4. Try to give gifts that encourage activity, creativity and thought.
5. Ensure that the children understand that this is a season of giving not a season of getting.

You accomplish the last rule by:

1. In the month before Christmas, have your children go through all their toys and select out those that are in good shape and they can/will donate to those less fortunate .
2. Have your children get rid of toys that are broken or no longer wanted.
3. Tell your children that they will get some gifts, but not everything they ask for.
4. Have your children participate in activities to help those less fortunate in other ways as well.
5. It is a great idea for children to give their parents gifts, so that they can be gift givers as well, but these should be gifts that the children make themselves. A drawing, flowers, perhaps a certificate promising to do extra chores or to not fight for a week.

For adults: Stop expecting gifts from other adults. Stop giving gifts to other adults. Tell everyone you know, "no gifts please". 

If you feel you must give adults gifts, make it a charitable donation in their name or give them something you made yourself. 

Ask any adults who feel they must give you a gift to do likewise. 

Insist: "No gifts please". 

 If there's someone you really care about, make that your gift. Send them a card, a letter, make a phone call or visit and tell them you love them. That's the gift that really counts. 

The "Holiday Season" has become a nightmare for many people all over the world.

The only people who like it that way are the gift shops and loan companies. They are the ones who promote the "Season of Greed". We don't have to listen to them anymore. 

 This time of year can become very enjoyable again if you simply give up the insanity of greed. Celebrate it quietly with your children, with minimal gifts and maximum enjoyment. It's sane, you'll like it.

... the easy way to reorganize

Everyone knows the old saw: "You always find the thing you're looking for in exactly the same place... the last place you look." 

 Here is a way to naturally re-organize things so you can, eventually, always find what you're looking for in the first place you look. 

After you've found what you wanted, and you're done with it, put it back in the first place you looked. That's where you thought it should be, so that's where it should live. 

If you keep doing this, you'll begin to recognize where you think the different types of things should be, so new objects can go there directly. 

It's a silly little thing, but it works.

... about telling the truth

One of my dad's friends was an amazing guy. His name was Hank and, to my ten year old eyes, he was larger than anyone I'd ever known before. 

He wasn't physically large, but he filled up the room. He laughed loudly, he spoke loudly, he lived loudly. He was happy and he made everyone around him feel good.

And such stories. His stories were amazing, colorful, funny and fascinating. 

And not true. 

I remember one time listening to one of his stories, but this time his wife was nearby: 

"I saw the biggest dog the other day, at the park..." "No dear, it wasn't at the park it was at the beach."

"You should have seen the dog's owner, such a little man..." "He wasn't all that little, he was well over five feet tall."

... and so on. A great story deflated into a ho-hum, nothing special story. 

He was not telling the exact truth, she was totally truthful and it was awful. 

As we are growing up, we are told that we must always tell the truth. But at the same time we see lots of examples where strictly telling the truth will get you in trouble. "Come kiss your aunt Gilda." "I don't want to, she smells funny." That's very truthful, but will get you in a bit of trouble. 

Some lying is bad. But some truth-telling is bad. 

Why? Do we always tell the truth -- and get into trouble? Or do we always lie? Do we just give up and say anything that comes to mind? 

Here is what I've learned and I wish my dad had told me: You must always tell the truth when it counts. 

If you lie to avoid punishment or if you lie to get someone else in trouble, that is wrong. 

If someone needs accurate information, make it accurate. 

No matter what might happen to you, tell the truth when it counts. (Now, this is usually when it will be hardest to actually tell the truth. But you do need to do this, and when you do, it will actually make you stronger and better.) 

Other than that, it isn't important. 

Tell me there's a unicorn in the backyard; that's fine. Tell me you just built a spaceship and flew to Mars; cool! It doesn't harm me, it doesn't harm anyone. 

Hank taught me that you can tell some very, very nice stories if you are willing to work with the facts a bit. 

Everybody likes a good story -- except, perhaps, Hank's wife.

.. about growing up

In ancient cultures, there often were special ceremonies or rites of passage; when you reached a certain age, you performed some ritual or trial and then, forever afterwards, you were an adult. 

It's a nice idea, but I doubt it was completely true then and it certainly isn't true today -- that you go along being a child and then, bang, you are suddenly an adult. 

It doesn't happen like that. 

And, if you go along expecting to suddenly know all you need to know, to have certainty about life, be responsible and sure... well, you're going to have a long wait. 

Here's the secret that all adults know, but usually won't tell you. At times, at any age, you will feel uncertain, lost, bewildered and alone. At times, you feel like you are faking it; that everyone else is an adult, but you somehow missed the orientation lecture and you're just a big child, pretending to be an adult. 

If you are lucky, you will learn the truth: That people are just people. There is no special demarcation when "child" becomes "adult". 

Sometimes you know what to do, and why, and when, and you can act with sureness and certainty, and sometimes you're lost and clueless. 

You can have that certainty about something at six years old, and be confused and worried at sixty. 

But generally, the more experience you get, the easier it becomes. So, when do you "grow up?" 

Every day. 

Every day you learn something new. Every day you learn more about yourself and more about the world. Hopefully, you never finish growing up. 

From my observation, there are some people who have never made it to being an adult. 

My "Dad advice" is to always work towards learning more and work towards taking more responsibility for yourself and the world around you. 

If you do that, you will be an adult.