...about perfection

There is this odd, very pervasive and very compelling idea that one must be perfect. 

Oddly enough, exactly what embodies "perfection" is never well defined. 

 It starts when we are young. You go to school or the playground and something is different about you--your shoes, your name, your clothes, the words you say--could be anything. 

And different is bad. Different is not perfect. And you get laughed at. You get teased. 

The idea we got as children is that there is a state of perfection, we are expected to be perfect, but we don't know what that is, and cannot find out. 

 As an example: Joe teases you because you dress differently. You then exactly copy Joe's clothes, and he teases you because you are copying him. 

Few children have any defense against this kind of attack. And the lesson learned from this kind of abuse is "you are imperfect, you are bad, suppress anything unique and special." 

This isn't just the other children who promote this false idea of perfection. Parents and other adults punish children for doing things that the children don't know are wrong. 

There is a vast number of things, many unwritten, that society frowns on. As a child you can be punished for things you never knew. 

But this is not constrained to when you are young. This will continue through your entire life. You will still, occasionally, be taken to task for not being perfect, and the definition of perfection will be different for every situation and every person.

If you don't develop some kind of understanding and defense against this, it can lead to and incredibly horrible life. It is difficult to avoid the idea that you must always be perfect -- based on other people's definition of perfection -- because this indoctrination begins at such a young age and that tends to form our personality.

It becomes invisibly and insidiously ingrained into our personalities, into our habits and customs. We look to others for approval and validation. We look to those around us to tell us how we should look, how we should act, what we should say. 

And we think of ourselves, always, as flawed, imperfect, inadequate. 

Created from the youngest age and installed unconsciously into the fabric of how we live and how we think, this is a lie, but, at the same time, one of the foundations of our personality. 

Does this mean we should become a society of anti-social people, doing only what each wants, and to hell with other's opinions? 

Hardly. But most folks are a long, long, long way from that personality. 

What it means is that we should consider ourselves as perfect, with all our errors and warts. We each are perfectly "me". 

Make an error, break something, hurt someone, well, fix it if you can. If possible, and if you want, try not to repeat that thing. But do not, ever, ever think that you are flawed or wrong or bad. Just fix it if you can and go on being you, being perfect.

... about shaving

I remember when I first started shaving. 

Didn't really know how to shave, didn't have anyone to ask. I remember going to the market and buying a razor and shaving cream -- and, oddly, being embarrassed about it. I think it was the knowing smiles on the other shoppers and the cashier. 

Young guy with a few little hairs sticking out of his face, buying that stuff. Sheesh!

It was pretty simple, learning how to do it. I'd seen it done. You lather up your face, you shave with the grain. Then you shave any place you still feel stubble against the grain. You wash up. After that, I learned to make sure the blade was sharp before starting, dull blades are pretty bad. 

Eventually, I learned how to keep from nicking myself too often. It seemed counter-intuitive that a sharper blade reduced the chance of nicks. 

Nowadays, there are a lot more choices on shaving. Do you use soap or gel? What kind of razor - three blades? Four blades? Five blades? 

Of course there's the old safety razor and the electric razor. And, years ago, a friend of mine always used a straight razor! Decisions, decisions, decisions. 

As an aside: I saw an ad for the new five bladed razor (four plus one). In the ad it was implied that, if you felt a bit of stubble at the end of the day, you should switch to their razor. Excuse me? Unless the razor has the ability to halt hair growth, it's not going to handle that problem! How stupid does this company think we are? 

Which method works best is something you need to work out for yourself. Some of the new shaving cream/gels have pain suppressors and blood coagulants, so you don't know you're nicking yourself. Hmmm. Don't think that's a good idea, personally. 

The multiple bladed disposables seem a bit gimmicky. I can see a bit of a reason for two, but five? 

But, here is more to think about. When you use shaving cream from a can and disposable razors, you are just adding more to what you send to the landfill. To me, it's the wrong attitude. It's the wrong thing to do. 

 I've seen some recommendations that, to reduce what you throw away, use a shaving mug and a safety razor. This will greatly reduce what you throw away, and you can get a perfectly smooth shave. 

But here is yet another viewpoint. 

Years ago, I was religiously shaving with a blade. At that time I was using disposable twin-blade razors and some kind of gel. I got a great shave and it was really close, at 7:00 am. But I didn't actually come in contact with other people until I got to work at 9:00 am. By then there was no difference between my blade shave and someone else's electric shave. No noticeable difference! 

So, I asked myself, who was I trying to impress between 7:00 am and 9:00 am? 

 I went out and bought a good electric razor. With an electric shaver, I use less water -- usually none, no shaving cream, no throwing razors out every few days, no mess. 

I bought a top quality shaver, so I get a close shave with no irritation. I can shave while running out the door. I can shave in the car. I can do a real quick shave in the evening. Seems to me to be a great deal all around. Less stuff going to the landfill and a faster, easier and perfectly adequate shave.

... about completing projects

Actually, I did help my father with some projects. 

I remember watching him work and bleed and sweat all over some project. Sounds gross, but I was fascinated as a little kid. He was a good and careful worker, but some tool would slip, or some board would get away and bang, Dad would have some minor injury. 

What fascinated me as a kid, was his reaction to that injury and the blood. As a kid, when I saw blood, especially mine, it was time for tears and run to Momma! But there was Dad, bleeding. Bleeding on the wood! Drops of blood on the floor, and he just went on building what we needed built. 

I couldn't get my mind around ignoring an injury! Wow! And the sweat. Like my Dad, when I grew up, I turned into a sweater. No not a knitted thing you wear, I produce more sweat than other people. 

So, I remember "helping" my Dad with these projects, watching the magic of something nice, useful, beautiful being created -- amongst drops of sweat and blood. 

And I did learn some things then, and much more later. I learned that you can do just about anything you set your mind to. You can build what you need, fix what needs fixing, and you can do it as well as a professional. But it takes something extra to do so.

• You need to have the right tools. This includes having a decent work space.
• You need to know how to use the tools.
• You need the right materials. You can't build something good out of junk.
• You need to pay attention to what you are doing. You've heard "measure twice, cut once" and that's true, but you also need to think. If you're not sure what you're going to do, what's supposed to happen, how this should go -- think. Think twice, build once.
• Don't be sloppy. That sounds obvious, but too many people are sloppy anyway. Don't just throw tools and materials around. When you need a tool or some material, you need to be able to find it right now. If your work area is a mess, you will spend half your time simply searching for things. That makes all projects take too long. Don't be sloppy.
• And sometimes, you need to tear it out and do it over. If it's just going wrong, find out why and solve that problem, even if it means tearing out something you thought was done. It is more efficient in the long run to take a bit more time to do it right, rather than waste more and more time constantly coping with the effects of an earlier goof.
• Sometimes you do need to call in a professional. Sometimes you don't have time to learn all the skills. Sometimes it's just too important or too big a job. Maybe you can do anything as well as a professional, but it doesn't mean you should.

When you are getting close to "being done", you are actually only about half done.

First, don't hurry the final steps, those are often the most critical and are where a goof can make the whole project look crappy. 

Second, when you have built what you were building or repaired what needed fixing, there is all the rest of the stuff you must do.

• Double check everything you've done. You'll probably remember a few things you thought of that needed to be done, which you put off for later. Well, now's the time to finish those.
• Test everything. Everything should work as intended and shouldn't have sharp bits or weak parts that will injure someone.
• Put the final touches to it: Cleaning, polishing, whatever.
• Put everything away. All the tools, all the materials, everything back where it won't get rusty, lost or stolen. Remember to put things back where you first looked for them, not necessarily where you found them.

All of that can take quite awhile, but those steps are part of the project. The project is not done until all those steps are completed. 

And that's what I learned about completing projects.

... some little things

I've been a bit busy lately, so I don't have anything big to post. But here are a few small things I've learned. 

How to cut a squishy sandwich in half: 

You know, you've got a sandwich filled with something squishy (I like egg salad sandwiches myself -- don't say "yuck!", I'm not offering you any), when you try to cut it in half, all the insides squish out. 

Here's what you do. Before putting the top piece of bread on the sandwich, cut it in half and then put the two halves in place. 

When you insert the knife between the top pieces and cut... no squish!  

How to improve an egg salad sandwich: 

How about a bacon-and-egg salad sandwich? Just add crumbled bacon. 

I like my deviled-egg salad sandwich; add deviled-egg spicing! 

And, olive-and-egg salad sandwich - add chopped olives. 

OK, so I like egg salad sandwiches. So sue me. 

How to carry a full cup of liquid or bowl of soup without spilling: 

The secret is to not lock your hand-elbow-shoulder. If you tense up, you transmit the impact of walking all the way down to what you're carrying. 

The simple way to loosen up all those joints is to move the bowl in a big, slow, gentle circle, concentrating on keeping loose. 

You'll be surprised how easy it makes carrying them.

... about taking risks

This is an interesting thing I learned. 

A parent wants to protect their children. It is commonly a parent's strongest instinct: to protect their children from all risks; all danger; all mistakes; all failures. 

As if. 

Certainly children should and must be protected, but they must also learn to make decisions and, yes, learn to take risks. Because they will have to make decisions and make choices in their lives. 

If a person has not had experience in thinking for themselves while growing up, they will be ill equipped for making any decisions when the big choices in life appear. 

Parents who carefully make all the choices for their kids, and "protect" them from all risks, are doing a disservice to their children. Children must learn to make decisions. Children must learn the consequences of decisions -- both success and failure. Children must learn how to cope with mistakes. 

Too often parents will protect their children from the consequences of the child's mistakes. No, I'm not talking about punishment; punishment is not particularly useful as a learning tool. It is about how to handle mistakes; you handle mistakes by:

• Owning up to it. Admit what you did.
• Find out what happened, what was the damage, if any.
• Correct what you can; replace what you can; make it up to anyone injured.
• In other words, children must learn how to take responsibility.

A simple example: Through some action, a child breaks a window. The consequences of playing baseball in the house, perhaps.

The wrong thing to happen is punishment and a call the glazier.

The right thing to happen is that the child pays for the glass and helps install the new pane. In this way the child has made up the damage and has learned a new skill. 

I remember being punished as a child, but I cannot, for the life of me, remember what I was being punished for. Not a very efficient lesson if I can't remember what I did wrong. 

But, when I broke a chair, and was involved in making it whole again, I remember it clearly; both what happened and what I did to make it good. That's a good lesson. 

If a child can learn how to cope with mistakes and failures, that child can grow up to be an outstanding adult, because such people seem to be rare. A child who learns about accepting mistakes, taking responsibility and learning from mistakes -- and making things right and moving on, will be a person who becomes able to take the reasonable risks that can make life rewarding. 

A life lived in fear, such as the fear of making a mistake, is not a life worth living.

If a child learns how to handle the consequences from mistakes, the child can become free of that fear. 

Children will take risks; children will make decisions, and children will make mistakes. It's part of growing up and learning. Parents cannot stop it. 

All a parent can, and should, do is help their child learn how to handle these things when they do happen.

... about Christmas greed

OK, this is really something that my mother did teach me, and my kids also taught me a lot. 

Whether you call it Christmas or "the Holiday Season" or anything else, it really has become the "Season of Greed". And this is really, really sad. 

We are told, by every advertisement, every store, every magazine, that this is the time when we must give lots and lots of presents. Presents that we can't afford. We go into debt, or, rather, we go further into debt at this time. We even feel forced to give gifts to people we don't like or don't know particularly well. 

It is one of my on-going jokes that there are certain things that people never want or buy for themselves, but are often given as gifts. Like "chia pets". 

 TV ads are crowded with those kinds of things, you know what they are. 

Where did this come from? No religion that I know of has, as part of their belief, the excessive giving of gifts at this time of year. 

Yes, this is a special time of year for children. For parents and grandparents, it is fun to plan and give children gifts at this time of year. 

With a few simple rules, there is nothing wrong with parents giving their children gifts. But the following rules should be followed:

1. Do not give more gifts than you can afford to give.
2. Do not give an excessive amount of gifts even if you can afford them.
3. Do not give gifts because they are advertised a lot. Give a child a gift they will enjoy and use.
4. Try to give gifts that encourage activity, creativity and thought.
5. Ensure that the children understand that this is a season of giving not a season of getting.

You accomplish the last rule by:

1. In the month before Christmas, have your children go through all their toys and select out those that are in good shape and they can/will donate to those less fortunate .
2. Have your children get rid of toys that are broken or no longer wanted.
3. Tell your children that they will get some gifts, but not everything they ask for.
4. Have your children participate in activities to help those less fortunate in other ways as well.
5. It is a great idea for children to give their parents gifts, so that they can be gift givers as well, but these should be gifts that the children make themselves. A drawing, flowers, perhaps a certificate promising to do extra chores or to not fight for a week.

For adults: Stop expecting gifts from other adults. Stop giving gifts to other adults. Tell everyone you know, "no gifts please". 

If you feel you must give adults gifts, make it a charitable donation in their name or give them something you made yourself. 

Ask any adults who feel they must give you a gift to do likewise. 

Insist: "No gifts please". 

 If there's someone you really care about, make that your gift. Send them a card, a letter, make a phone call or visit and tell them you love them. That's the gift that really counts. 

The "Holiday Season" has become a nightmare for many people all over the world.

The only people who like it that way are the gift shops and loan companies. They are the ones who promote the "Season of Greed". We don't have to listen to them anymore. 

 This time of year can become very enjoyable again if you simply give up the insanity of greed. Celebrate it quietly with your children, with minimal gifts and maximum enjoyment. It's sane, you'll like it.

... the easy way to reorganize

Everyone knows the old saw: "You always find the thing you're looking for in exactly the same place... the last place you look." 

 Here is a way to naturally re-organize things so you can, eventually, always find what you're looking for in the first place you look. 

After you've found what you wanted, and you're done with it, put it back in the first place you looked. That's where you thought it should be, so that's where it should live. 

If you keep doing this, you'll begin to recognize where you think the different types of things should be, so new objects can go there directly. 

It's a silly little thing, but it works.